accioslash's blog

Good news and bad news, or I am apparently never satisfied.  ;D

Good news:   My weight loss goal was to lose 24 lbs in 6 months.   At my last weigh-in I had already lost 25 lbs.  I have to continue on my current monitored WL plan until Feb and although it seems unlikely that I will continue to lose weight at the same rate, I'm fairly certain that I will lose another 25 lbs from now until then.  I would be satisfied to maintain my weight but if I continue to follow the plan (which I will) it seems inevitable that I will keep losing weight.  This is good news, right?  Keep reading.

Further good news:   I've taken blood pressure medication for several years now.  Two different ones actually and before I started my WL plan by the time I was supposed to take my next dose of medication was blood pressure would be back up to stroke level which is fairly dangerous.  (Duh!)   Anyway, I see my doctor monthly and at my last check-up my doctor is now concerned that with my measley 25 lb weight loss that my medication is too strong and I will need to take less because my blood pressure stays low right through to the next dose.  Again, this is great news, right?   Keep reading.

Even more good news:   While I do have sleep apnea, I respond well to the CPAP machine.  According to my sleep test, without the machine I stop breathing 29 times an hour.  This translates to me being forced awake every other minute.  Not necessarily fully awake, but enough to stop my sleep cycle and keep me pretty steadily in a stage 2 level of sleep where I am asleep, but can still be aware of what is going on around me.  To make a long story short, your body recovers from the stress of the day during sleep, especially during stage 5 of sleep.  If you don't get to that stage it puts constant stress on your organs causing a variety of symptoms including high blood pressure, dementia, irritability, depression, and a whole host of other lovely things.   Anyway, I now have my own shiny little CPAP machine and have already adjusted to the point where I no longer feel tired during the day and don't want or take naps to function.   I still know I stop breathing, but the frequency is much lessened.  My blood pressure is always low now.  Great news, right?   Well, yes and no.

Not-so-great news:   First, I am immensely irritated that my health could be so radically affected by the loss of only 25 lbs.  Damn those good genes! *g*    I'm actually quite pleased by this but mad at myself for not taking care of such a small thing years ago.   But the bigger problem is how this will affect my WLS.   I *do* have good genes and I bounce back quickly - for now.   But I am not always going to be 43.   When I was this weight at 33 I didn't have *any* health problems.  I was just fat.   My fear is that my insurance company is going to look at my results and say, "no diabetes, sleep apnea and high blood pressure are controlled,  and client was able to achieve and maintain (for 6 months) significant weight loss soooooo no WLS for you!"    This is the story of my (weight) life.   I have always lost weight quickly.  The last diet before this one saw me lose 100 lbs in 6 months and I wasn't doing anything bizarre, just low-fat diet and exercise.  I am significantly healthier than other people my size with my bad habits and right now I am actively trying not to be as effective a dieter as usual so I don't diet myself right out of surgery qualification. 

My problem is that I cannot maintain my weight loss.   I have planned on a "life-style change" with every diet I have been on for the last 15-20 years.  I've even been able to stick with my change for up to two years.   If I would be able to make the change permanent I would not want to go through with such a drastic surgery.   Been there, done that, and have all the souvenirs.   And I'd like to have the surgery while my body is still able to bounce back.   There are people in their 60's who have this surgery.  I'm not willing to wait that long.  Thirty years of yo yo dieting is enough for me.

I am in the process of creating my "surgery thesis".   It will actually be longer than the one I wrote for my Masters degree.  If the insurance company refuses to pay for the surgery it won't be for my lack of trying.

Irritability begins.....

I'm what my textbook calls a solo dieter.  It doesn't matter to me at all if other people in the house are dieting or if there is food available I cannot have.  My husband and daughter are social dieters.  They need the support from others.    It's actually a bit annoying to try to develop meals that will appeal to all of us, but since we are all attempting to lose weight I want to make the process go as smoothly as possible.    My husband and daughter are meat eaters, which I don't like.   And I like fruits and veggies that they won't eat.   Additionally I can eat the same thing day after day.  My husband refuses to eat leftovers and considers the same dinner every 7 days to be too often.   Gah.  In any event, the point is that I spend considerably more time planning menus, shopping, and cooking to please everyone than I would if I just ate what I wanted and they ate what they wanted.   This is one of the main reasons we ate out all the time.  It was easier and actually cheaper.

Sooooo, I am reminded of the time we first discovered Al had diabetes.  I went to the dietician to plan out where we could safely add calories to his diet because I knew he wasn't going to stick on a standard diabetic diet.   I converted recipes, made appetizing meals, packed lunches, and filled a snack bag for smaller meals.  This was when I was working close to 70 hours a week.   It was with some annoyance that I discovered Al was throwing away my lunches and eating McDonalds every chance he got, which was quite often.   

Al has tried to lose weight exactly one time in his life.  And his giving me weight loss advice is about to drive me spare.   Especially since he is giving me incorrect advice.  *sigh*   And this weekend Al sat in front of the TV and ate *bags* of candy he bought when he was out getting videos.   He did not just have some from each, but *all* of them.   He doesn't even like candy and he was eating it mindlessly while he was mesmerized by the TV so he didn't even enjoy it.  For the most part his choices were no fat - Skittles, Sweet Tarts, Jolly Ranchers, Twizzlers - but there is no reason to eat that much of anything.  And he also bought fast food, pizza, wings and movie popcorn which my daughter can't resist if it's available so he sabotaged her diet as well as his own.   [/tattletale]

And on our weigh-in, Al has lost a total of 2 lbs in 4 weeks.  I lost another 9 bringing my total to 18lbs.   I know that a weight loss of 1-2 lbs a week is better in the long run, but initially someone as large as Al should have lost more.   Especially with the addition of regular exercise.  Which he is also trying to get out of doing, but since he's my ride he has to go.

I'm certain I'm no picnic to live with at the moment.

In other news, the sleep test with the CPAP machine went wonderfully.  I only woke up twice and I wasn't tired at all the next day.  Considering that I take naps throughout the day and generally don't sleep at night, this was amazing.   I can't waiti to get my machine (assuming they think I need it) and plan to use it even though most people don't.

Just some notes:

* Went to the gym 4 times this week and did 30 minutes on the treadmill each time.   Ryam would like to see me do 45 minutes, 5x a week.   This is not going to happen.   The workout has actually become harder rather than easier which is a bit puzzling.   Al and Katie are also working out for 30 minutes.  It's been nice actually since we spend time together at the gym and then at home afterwards for breakfast.

* My husband and daughter spent about $500 buying new walking shoes, MP3 players, and other assorted stuff for our new workout routine.   I'm wearing old (walking) tennis shoes and watch the TV in the gym for free.

* I'm having a diffiuclt time figuring out when I'm hungry.   I eat when it's time to eat, but I'm never actually hungry.  I've actually been involved so heavily in some project that i don't realize I haven't eaten all day and it's 9:00 pm.   This is a big problem I'll need to work on since after the surgery I'll need to make sure I'm getting enough nutrition from food because you can't survive on just vitamins.

* Susan told me to work in a favorite high-calorie food so I had cheese bread sticks.  My calorie count for the day was still under 1200.

* My second sleep test is tonight.  I've been trying to sleep even less than usual so I have a chance at sleeping tonight.

I started my exercise routine yesterday. Oh, goody. While I was very fortunate with my choice of dietician, I am affectionately referring to Ryan as "the exercise Nazi." Well, perhaps it’s not so affectionate after all. I dragged the whole family with me to exercise because we’re goofy like that and a bit of exercise isn’t going to hurt any of us. Katie was thrilled to know that after carefully selecting her classes so she didn’t have to be at school before 11:00, she now has to get up at 6:30 three days a week to go to the gym.

I have to admit that I’m fairly used to doing things my own way and I had some *very* specific ideas about what I was and what I wasn’t going to do at the gym. On the first day Ryan decides that it would be a grand idea to put a morbidly obese woman who hasn’t moved more than the 12 feet from her study to the refrigerator in the last four years on the treadmill. For 30 minutes. I kept hoping I would have a stroke so he would realize just what a stupid idea this actually was. But my stupid body never does what I want it to do and I managed 30 minutes without really breaking a sweat. Apparently my body remembers those times when I used to work out 1 hour and 45 minutes 7 days a week.

Today he wanted me to do 45 minutes and I explained to him, for the second time, that what I am trying to do is find a program I am willing to maintain. I am willing to commit to 30 minutes, three times a week. I may be able to do more, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to do that consistently and maintenance is the root of my problem. Losing weight is easy. Keeping it off is the problem. Of interest was that I did exactly the same thing as I did yesterday, but it wasn’t nearly as easy. I’ve no idea why. Anyway, when I used my key to terminate my exercise session, the screen informed me that I had not completed my prescribed routine. These are, of course, the records I need to submit to my insurance company as proof that I actually did what they told me to do. And despite completing 30 minutes of exercise, it appears that it really didn’t "count". So I will be speaking to Ryan tomorrow. And I’m sure he’ll agree with me and then do whatever he wants.

And the truly irritating thing is that I have a treadmill at home (actually two of them), but since someone has to monitor my progress I have to go to the gym. Al is amused by the whole thing when he thinks I’m not looking, but is very sympathetic otherwise. Katie doesn’t even pretend. I’m thinking of having us go at 5:00 am as payback.

*This entry is more for my records than anything else, but feel free to read.

I forgot to mention this before but I have a textbook (and homework) from the dietician.   The book is called The LEARN Program  by  Kelly D. Brownwell, Ph.D.   It is no longer in print, but I bought a copy on Ebay for $1.69.  It's actually very good and in addition to its focus on lifestyle changes, it talks about weight loss readiness and is designed for the weight loss "vetran".  I came into the program thinking there wasn't anything I could learn about weight loss and although I know a lot, there are still things learn.  Two biggies for me was that to *maintain* my current weight I can eat 1800 calories per day.   Well, no wonder I keep gaining weight!  Most days I do eat more than that number of calories.  I can eat 1200 calories per day to lose weight.   Also, I already knew people don't know how to estimate serving sizes, but I was surprised to see that 60% of us vetrans can't guess calories correctly.   I did better than most, but my test scores weren't perfect.

I had a very difficult time starting this time.  Al was on vacation and there was no way I was going to do anything major during that time.  I needed all my bad habits to keep from strangling him.  ;D    I actually started on 8/17/06 and when I got weighed on 8/22/06 I had lost 9 lbs.    I know that's mostly water, but it was still encouraging.   There is *nothing* in the house to eat that isn't on the plan.  My plan anyway, because there is no such thing as forbidden food as long as I stay under 1200 calories.   Having food that I can't eat doesn't bother me, but since everyone here is overweight we all decided to do this together.   Tomorrow morning at 7:00 am we all go to the gym to start our exercise program.   I'm less than thrilled about this but as soon as I get into a routine it'll be fine.   And regular exercise is important after my WLS as well.

As a side note, I was very proud of myself yesterday when we went to the drive-in movies.   We went with another friend who had WLS in January and that made everything easier.   We always bring our own food with us - which is permitted at the drive-in.  Normally when I am watching my weight I am like a diet nazi.  I never eat anything that isn't on my plan and this used to irritate my mother no end because it seemed that I was always watching my weight over the holidays and everyone would notice that I wasn't eating.  This time I ate fried chicken and apple slices.  Fried chicken, even without the skin, took up a decent percentage of my calories.  But we were all talking and enjoying ourselves before the movie and it wasn't obvious that I was doing anything differently from anyone else.   And today I'm back on the plan.   It's probably the first time I didn't overeat on the same day because I had already "ruined my diet".    It's a step forward.  ;D

*My apologies to anyone who thought this post might be about Star Trek.   It's really an excuse to introduce you to my 20 year old daughter, Cinder Katie  - college student, only child, and my pride and joy.

CinderKatie:   Mom, are you done with that Star Trek story?                                                            

AccioMom:  What Star Trek story?

CinderKatie:  That one on the computer.   Ashley called to let me know she just posted something to her Xanga and she wants me to read it.

AccioMom:  I'm not reading anything about Star Trek.

CinderKatie:  Mom, I just looked at it.  It's something like "Picked Up by Captain Picard".   

AccioMom:   First of all it isn't a story, it's a post I'm working on for my Vox account and second, the title is actually "hoist by my own petard".

CinderKatie:  ...

AccioMom:   It's from Hamlet.

CinderKatie:   ...

AccioMom:  Shakespeare.

CinderKatie:  ...

AccioMom:   Old guy, wrote a bunch of stuff that some people still read....?

CinderKatie:   Ha Ha.  I know who Shakespeare is.   But are you actively trying to keep people off your blog?    Who wants to read anything called, "hoist by my own petard"?  

AccioMom:  Perhaps people who don't mistake "hoist by my own petard" for a Star Trek reference?

CinderKatie:  Whatever.  Anyway, can I get rid of it?  I need to read Ashley's new update.

AccioMom:   You were just on the phone with her.  Couldn't she read it to you?

CinderKatie:   She wants me to reply to it.  You'd know about replies if you didn't write such lame post titles.  

AccioMom:  *defensively*   Hey, I get replies.  But Vox is a new journal and I get most of my replies to my LJ.

CinderKatie:   Whatever.  But you should take my advice about titles.

What is so ironic here is that I *just* did a post on bad titles on my other journal.  However, I think my original post title was damn good though this one is starting to grow on me. 

I've decided to ignore Al as best I can for the time being.  The last time I saw him he was digging through the closets looking for old clothes to donate to the Goodwill.  The light bulb in the hall closet is burned out and I'm pretty sure that rather than just change it, I saw Al walk past me carrying an acetylene torch.   I really hope I'm making this up.  I have already laid out his work clothes for Monday morning and will probably have his car started no later than noon on Saturday.

Al and I went to the dietician on tuesday.  Happily, while the woman is not obese, she is most decidedly plump.  I really don't think I could ever work with someone on this issue who has never had a weight problem or who defines weight problem as being unable to get rid of those stubborn 5 lbs.   I imagine this will be the most challenging part of my weight loss program.  I *know* how to read food labels.  I *know* which foods are high in fat, carbohydrates, protein, and fiber.  I doubt there is anything someone can teach me about dieting.  Unless they happen to know the secret to keeping weight off that includes something other than making my diet /exercise routines permanent.   If I could do that without the additional help of the WLS, I wouldn't need WLS surgery. < /mini-rant >

She was very nice, extremly efficient, and very sensible.  I'll meet with her every two weeks for 6 months prior to my surgery and at least monthly thereafter for a year.   Her office was wonderful.  Everything was designed for an obese person.   The chairs were 1 1/2 times larger than usual ones, the scales were designed so I could see the numbers without having to get off the scales and look quickly before the numbers went back to zero.   And she had flavored water instead of coffee or tea for her clients.  I don't even want to think about how much this will cost me since this service, while required by my insurance company, is not covered by my insurance company because I'm not diabetic.   Still, it'll be totally worth the money.

Additionally, I received good news on my sleep study.  Even though I was not asleep for the required time period and I wasn't sleeping in the correct position, I apparently can easily be diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea.   Phase Two is scheduled for Sept 1.

Day Three 

5 am -  Al wakes up.

5:02 am  - 5:45 am -  morning rituals commence.

5:46 am - 5:47 am -  Al notices that all his clothing is missing.

5:47 am - 5:48 am  -  After checking to determine if I haven't actually washed every article of clothing he owns at the same time, Al asks if I have seen his clothes.

5:48 am -  5:52 am  -  Discussion ensues.  A wizard's duel is held.  I win by cheating (hey, it isn't my fault that Al sleeps naked and I just happened to move the duel into the room with all the windows that face the bus stop for the children who go to summer school).

5:52 am  - 9:00 am  -  Al watches movies in our bedroom.

9:00 am -  3:30pm -  Al wraps himself in *my* bedspread (technically it's ours, but I am a blanket hog) and plays video games and watches Jerry Springer.    He also entertains himself by making homemade popcorn with waay too much oil on the really, really hot stove while. wearing. a. bedspread.

3:30 pm  - 3:31 pm -   I check to see if we have insurance to cover a house fire caused by a man making popcorn on the stove wearing only a bedspread.  It turns out we don't.  I return his clothes and confiscate his keys which was really a lot easier than moving all his clothes and I can't believe i didn't think of doing that in the first place.

3:31 pm  - 8:00 pm -  Al offers Katie increasing amount of money for her car keys.  I stopped listening when he offered $50.

8:00 pm - 8:15 pm - Al calls the station.  Everything is running just fine without him.

8:15 pm -  12:30 am -  Al pouts.  And watches movies.  And plays video games.  And decides he needs to make an old fashioned root beer float like he remembers doing when he was a kid.  And wants to know where the ice tea spoons are kept (in the drawer with the silverware), do I have anything to take out stains on clothes? (yes),  does ice cream make any of the cats throw up? (yes),  do I want pecan waffles? (no),  do I know how to get smoke out of the kitchen?  (yes),   have I ever wanted to make homemade jam? (no)  do we have stickers so he can organize his gigantic collection of unlabeled video tapes filmed back when he was in college in 1993?  In the middle of my kitchen.  And he'll wash all those dishes later.   (*sigh*  yes).

12:30 am -  Al begins labeling his massive video tape collection.

12:33 am -  Al decides he's too tired to do this now and goes to bed.   The videos remain spread all over the kitchen because he plans to complete this project right away and I cannot OMG touch anything because he has it organized into a "system".

12:34 am  -   Al is in bed and asleep.  I consider the odds of an all married female jury being selected at my trial and put away the bed pillow.    But I still keep the sugar.

The first thing you need to know about my husband is that he is genuinely the kindest, most loving and hard-working man in the world.   This is a good thing because otherwise his annoying habits would cause me to replace the sugar with rat poison.  As it is I already enjoy real crime drama far too much than is strictly healthy.

My husband is one of the few people I know who really loves his job.   And he is very, very successful at what he does.   I can barely get him to leave the radio station and when he does, he can usually be found (with me in tow) representing the station at local charity events.   One of these days I'll have to talk about what's it's like to be married to a local celebrity ("Oh, you're that wife Al is always talking about.  He's such a nice guy.  You two are so very different."   "Yes, we are.  Sugar?" )  But I digress.    Anyway, I can barely keep Al away from the station for more than a handful of hours and he hasn't been on a non-working vacation since we went to visit some fandom friends last October.  And when I wasn't dragging him along with us, he was on his cell phone and working the entire time.  So I put my foot down and told him that he was taking a vacation and all he is allowed to do is play video games, watch TV, scratch, and maybe go to the drive-in theater.   This sounded like a good plan until the radio station got struck by lightening.  Well, actually radio towers get hit all the time, but this was different.  Al has tried to explain it to me several times but it always makes my eyes glaze over so all I really understand is that lightening struck something, fried a number of computer thingies that make the station operate, replacement costs are covered by insurance, the new equipment will take 3 weeks to be operating relatively bug-free, and the station has to be primarily operated full-time by live DJ's just like in the old days.   The radio station has DJ's, but my husband is a hands-on kind of guy.   *Everyone* has told him to stay home and enjoy his vacation because he really needs one.   Thus......

 Day One --

5 am  -   Al wakes up because he wants to run and check in on the station "for a couple of minutes."

7 pm -  Al returns home from the station and wants to go to dinner.

7-8:15 pm  -  dinner/includes travel time.

8:15- 8:45 pm  - travel to the Canton Football Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony Fireworks display.  Old friend and Canton resident meets us at his new apartment.

9 pm -  Dave takes us to the best damn location EVER to watch the fireworks.  They are supposed to be one of the best displays in the country.  I agree. 

11 pm -  Al flips through channels on the TV.  He challenges himself to never stay on one channel long enough for anyone to complete a sentence.

1 am - Bed

Day Two --  

5 am - PC from Rick at the station.  Rick needs help.  Super-Al to the rescue.  He plans to work until 9 am.

3:30 pm -   Al stops by the video and grocery stores and brings home enough video games, movies, and junk food to last through a weeks' vacation assuming that a weeks' vacation is actually 342 days long.  He bought me fruit.

4:30 - 8 pm  -  Al plays video games and watches "Saving Private Ryan" for the 838475639683th time.

8:15 pm -  Al checks on the station one final time because it "sounded funny" from the radio in our kitchen.

12:15 am  -  Al arrives home and I send him to bed because he looks like he can barely keep his eyes open.

12:30 am - I remove all the clothes from Al's closet and drawers and hide them in one of the extra bedrooms.  Al sleeps naked.   Heh.

1:00 am -  I eagerly await the 5 am discovery.  

One of the referrals my doctor made was to the Sleep Disorders Clinic.  Common disorders that can be detected through sleep testing include chronic Insomnia, Sleep Apnea, Narcolepsy, Restless Leg Symdrome, Snoring, and Sleep Walking.   Insomnia and heavy snoring generally occur with sleep apnea as does daytime sleepiness, increased irritability, fatigue, and frequent nighttime trips to the bathroom.   Yep.  That sounded familiar.  My husband tells me he also notices that I stop breathing at times when I'm sleeping.

Although obesity isn't the only cause of sleep apnea, many people who are eligible to undergo WLS have sleep apnea.  By the way, to be eligible for weight loss surgery you must be 100 lbs overweight and have a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 40 or above.   BMI is calculated by your weight and your height.  The procedure used for the surgery varies based on these two factors - weight and BMI.  If you ever wanted to calculate your own BMI you can see the scale at www.stvincentscharity.com.   It is actually possible to be too fat for WLS.  Because I am so short as well as fat, I am on the border-line between Open and Laproscopic Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery.  It's my plan to lose enough weight to have the Laproscopic option.

I was scheduled for my sleep test on 8/28/06.  However the Center had a cancellation and called me at 5:30 pm to arrive for my overnight stay beginning at 8:00 pm.   My husband wasn't home from work and I had to leave him a note telling him to expect me back the next morning at 7 am.   The paperwork for my procedure had not been completed beforehand because there simply wasn't time.   However, the staff was very efficient and they had already cleared the test with my insurance which was a very good thing because the test costs about $4,000.

I was given a private room and a nurse who was responsible for only one patient - me - even though there were other patients having sleep tests.  Those patients also had a private room and an individual nurse.   Each of us would (supposedly) sleep at "light's out" beginning at 10:00 pm to 6:00 am while our nurses monitored every minute of our stay over video and through the mass of wires that were attached (with glue) to my head, around my eyes, cheeks, and chin, my throat and chest, and both my legs.   They also had a microphone and something similar to a baby monitor to hear me snore.

But when I arrived in my room, the first thing I noticed was that the bed had no headboard which made it impossible for me to sit up and it had one pillow.  I have slept with no fewer than 5 pillows for as long as I can remember.  And when I can't sleep, but really need to, I sleep sitting up.   The nurse was absolutely wonderful, but she said that for the test to be accurate I needed to sleep laying down on the pillow.    And for the technicians to actually interpret the results would require me to have about 6 hours of sleep.  Heh.

Fast forward through three trips to the bathroom, which required the absolutely lovely and completely professional nurse to unhook me from all the wires around my head, face, and neck (the wires on my legs could stay), and no more than five consecutive minutes of sleep.  The nurse finally gave up and at 3:30 am and allowed me to prop myself up on the bed where I fell asleep within minutes and didn't wake up until 6:02 am.

Unfortunately that means they only got 2 1/2 hours of testing and that happened when I was not in the correct position.  In all liklihood the test will have to be repeated.  And if *that* test indicates that I have sleep apnea, I will have to have yet *another* sleep test where they will determine the proper setting for a CPAP machine (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) to eliminate my apnea and snoring and hopefully allow me to get to sleep like a normal person.  *Sigh*

My results should be available in two weeks and we'll see where we go from there.   My next step is my first visit to the dietician.